Christmas is that time of year when dreams can come true, apparently. So I thought I’d write down my Dream Christmas Dinner Party Guest List, in case Santa is taking note. I know I haven’t behaved perfectly this year, but perhaps not as imperfectly as some (Tesco finance department, anyone?)
I only have seven chairs in my flat, two of which are wont to break if someone heavy sits on them – so I can’t invite my family (not because they’re too heavy but because there aren’t enough chairs – and besides, the Newmans have spent many a Christmas together.)
Instead, here’s my list of guests for the perfect Christmas celebration:
1. My friend, masterchef Marianne Lumb, who could cook for us. She now runs her own restaurant in West London, but even cheese on toast made by Marianne tastes better than a lot of things I’ve eaten in restaurants this year.
2. Jamie Dornan, for obvious reasons – as long as he promises to leave his balaclava at home.
3. Michael Fassbender – Eye Candy part II. Well it’s my dream Christmas so I’m allowed more than one piece of Eye Candy, as well as real candy.
4. Tina Fey – who manages to do funny and feminist better than anyone.
5. George R R Martin – I would get him drunk on my friend Anna Potts’s homemade Sloe Gin – and force him to tell me the secrets of what’s in store for all my favourite Game of Thrones characters.
6. Justin Gellatly of Bread Ahead – creator of the most extraordinary doughnuts in the world – and author of my favourite cookbook, and favourite titled book of 2014 – Bread, Cake, Doughnut, Pudding.
7. Gillian Anderson – my ex adores her and I used to get a bit jealous about that. But then I saw her in Streetcar earlier this year and now I bang on about how amazing and talented and luminously beautiful she is far more than he ever did.
That sounds like a pretty fun party, right? I’m willing to stand for the duration of the meal if it means I can invite all seven – though if Jamie or Michael wanted me to sit on their laps at any point in the festivities, I suppose that would be ok too.